So, by now, I’m sure many of you have read this interview I gave. In it I mention my wife.
It was no great secret, really, I just wasn’t going to shout it from the rooftops because it wasn’t an important detail. It wasn’t until the context of the interview answer that there was some reason to say it, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to be as awkward as “significant other” or “spouse” or something else like that just to avoid saying if I’m a lesbian or not.
I am. I’m not in the closet about it at all. My wife and I happily hold hands in public, we kiss at the park, all the things any other couple does.
As I’ve said before I saw no point in announcing details, because it seemed to me it would detract from people appreciating my work on its own merits. At this point, if it were to become wider knowledge that I’m gay, it would leave me wondering: did someone buy the books because I’m a lesbian or because they wanted to read the books?
Still, in this day it is generally impossible to keep such things secret forever, and I’m not going to dance around a point if the conversation winds up moving in that direction.
I can’t say it’s very traumatic for me. Much as the case with my characters, it was not anything earth shattering when I came out – my family accepted and supported it without reservation or any fuss. My friends seemed rather unfazed by the fact. Which, frankly, is as it should be. I can’t even say I’ve been harassed by strangers about it; though in perfect honesty I’m left wondering a lot if the people likely to just didn’t work it out in time to say something; it’s really amazing when the couple in question is female how few people register ‘couple’ instead of ‘friends/sisters’. Strangely enough, when the couple is male the opposite is true: people think ‘couple’ before it occurs to them it could be friends or brothers. It’s why I agree so much with the idea that there are times and ways it can be rough for men, and while I’m not very keen on “the mens’ rights movement” I am in favour of the sorts of ideas relating to the fact that there are male stereotypes and gender expectations that are just as hurtful (I’m willing to concede more so, if someone can present data, but we’ll go with equal measure for now, certainly I’m not going to agree to anything less without very clear metrics) to little boys and grown men alike as the ones so often decried as damaging our little girls and our grown women.
Yes, I’m married to my wife. No, it’s not legally binding where we live: more’s the pity.
Still, I didn’t need to be lesbian to write Now & Forever. Love, I feel, is love. I could have written a classic boy-meets-girl, a heterosexual romance, just as easily by finding a man to put in Lauren or Salencia’s place. Laurne or Sally could be transgender, either as in one of them truly feels she is hi, instead, or that one of them was once actually Lawrence or Salencio and have long since transitioned to the girls we know; they aren’t, but there’s no reason they couldn’t have been.
I say this because it is important to me that people realise that it’s stupid to support an author for who they are or are not, rather than for what they’ve done. I can understand one who incensed you sufficiently not to wish to put money in her pocket; but buy the work used if you’re curious, otherwise give it a miss certainly. The fact of the matter is that I don’t wish for anyone to feel that my gender or sexuality had anything whatsoever to do with any feelings of validity or reality in the characters. I’ve written convincing males before, just not in anything I’ve bothered with publishing, just short little things I wrote for my own pleasure and amusement, some of them not even enough to call a vignette and the validity of these males is confirmed by males I know, QED.
So, yes, here, publicly, as this post will be right where Google and Bing can find it next time they crawl my page, I’m out in a big way. Wow, Jaye Em Edgecliff is a [insert lesbian epitaph of your choice]! Amazing. And, I suppose, it is worth mentioning, yes I am actually gay – not bi, or pan, or any of that sort of thing, I’ve never seen the appeal in masculine bodies except for a few little tugs from an ingrained reproductive instinct that seems to feel Chris Hemsworth would be an awesome choice to have kids with.
I am not, however, going to start updating my biographical information anywhere to discuss that I’m female, nor that I like other females, that I’m married or to whom or what. It will be a fact, those who care and are diligent in their research can find out, otherwise it will be left as a passing detail, a bit of data that has no more bearing on me professionally than the fact that my birthday is in July.
I encourage people who look to authors they follow and read: be an ally. I’m not talking Social Justice Warrior, most of them annoy … everyone as far as I can tell, certainly I’m inclined to not take them seriously … but just if you’re straight that doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for the civil rights of homosexuals even if you don’t know any (besides, odds are that you do and just don’t know it) or of transgender people, intersexed, bisexuals, etc. I certainly don’t post the things I do on my Facebook page to be self serving, I do it to support and acknowledge the humanity of those around me whatever and whomever they are – unless you’re being cruel to animals or anyone else who is helpless, then I don’t tend to consider you human anymore and reckon you have every right to rot in as many hells as there might turn out to be. Actually, blanket statement: don’t be a dick. There.
I’ve rambled more than usual. It probably means I’ve not had hardly enough to eat today and my brain is shutting down. But I just wanted to affirm: yes the interview was legit, yes, I’m married to a woman, yes I’m gay; now let’s talk about something important.
Some people would turn off comments at for a post like this. I won’t. At least not unless people decide to get really stupid or ugly in them. Odds are no one will partake of them anyway. But they’re there if this has left anyone with an itch to speak her mind.
Love to all.
- Here is my interview with Jaye Em Edgecliff (authorsinterviews.wordpress.com)
- Wichita, KS – For animal lovers (snagajob.com)
- ‘Avengers 2′ Set Interview: Robert Downey Jr. Talks Ultron & Vision (screenrant.com)
- 2014 Fall Feast Reflection -Part 1 (nicholemlachapelle.wordpress.com)
- Reading Knausgaard is a pure uncut high: Mallick (thestar.com)